When COVID 19 came along it changed everything. Work, life, routines – all of it changed in ways none of us could have predicted. For me, it marked the end of a chapter. In the aftermath of the pandemic, after many years of full-time work, I was given the opportunity to choose redundancy. At 58 this could have signalled finality – the end of being useful, time to make way for others? But within these emotions something began to emerge … what if this isn’t the end of something, but the beginning of something?

It wasn’t an immediate thought – sometimes I simply told people that I would ‘go to university’ to stop more questions and me having to actually think about the future. I had no clarity and certainly no confidence. But the seed of the thought was there and I started to wonder if it could indeed be a possibility.

During the lockdown weekends I returned to the creativity that I always had the urge for but had been buried under decades of work, responsibilities, mortgage payments, divorce and the reassurance of the familiar. I painted, drew and made things – it was wonderful and exciting. I started to ask myself – what if? What if I could find the quiet courage to step into higher education?

The decision to apply was terrifying. So I told myself that I wouldn’t have to make a final decision until I actually had an offer. There is something quite vulnerable about putting yourself out there when you are female and 58. Would I be the oldest? Would I be able to keep up? The self-doubt was evident but I had a yearning to be bold so readers … I applied!

The application process was straight forward as I initially applied to do the course part-time and was invited to interview with the course leader. The scary part was when he asked me to bring my ‘portfolio of work’! Which resulted in me scouring the house for the outcomes of my crafting weekends! I managed to find a small box worth of work and tucked it under my arm and, with trepidation, went to meet Jamie.

That meeting with Jamie was a turning point for me. He embraced my eclectic box of work with – what I felt was unworthy enthusiasm! I was over the moon when he accepted me onto the course having persuaded me to do the first two years full-time. Suddenly I was faced with questions such as how could I afford it? How did I apply for finance? Would it be embarrassing to ask for this help? More importantly what should I wear …

My experiences of the first weeks of the course and returning to study could fill a book in their own right and I’ll cover these aspects in future blogs in the hope that I can inspire others to take the same road.

Facing redundancy did make me feel nervous about what was left for me at late middle age. But to be honest it was the BEST THING that could have happened. I jumped into study with two feet, never being one to do things slowly, carefully or with the greatest thought or pre-planning I thought ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’

The truth is it was the best thing that could have happened. As I sit here, typing this on the brink of graduation, the past four years have been amazing. I have been where I needed to be, learning, evolving, creating and making. And it is just beautiful.